What The Future Holds

     Feeling a wee bit exhausted, after going around Kuching for the past two weeks, looking for employment as well as doing some sightseeing. The real issue now of course, is the fact that the STPM results will be out on Monday. Right now, I am 50% nervous as fuck, 20% confident about it, and 30%  nihilistic about it. Still, I'll just accept it like a man. I suppose the other real issue for me now is, what the fuck am I gonna do after receiving the results on Monday? I am currently unemployed, yet I think I can manage that. Either way, I'll probably end up in some college, or maybe I will end up looking for a shitty-ass day job that I could hate. However it turns out on Monday, I guess.

      What I truly want right now is something far beyond any materialistic thing I could have. It seems as though I have reached a point in my life where materialistic things and ownership of a certain object, means nothing to me anymore. Well, except for my record collection. But I truly feel as though I don't need anything else, other than to travel to Scotland. Not only travel there, but to spend the rest of my remaining fucking life there. I know, I have made my case about this 'Scotland' issue before, but come on, give a guy a break here; this is something that I truly want. As I have said before, moving/migrating (I even thought of immigrating) to Scotland is something that I really want to achieve on my own, for my own self. 

     Sure, many people around me, such as my parents, friends and family, might not understand this choice of mine, but putting them aside, I really do want this badly. The question is, "WHY?" Simply put; I just fell in love with that place. That's it. I just fell in love with Scotland. I've read about Scotland, it's history, it's culture, it's people and it's landscape, through books, documentaries and films. How the hell would I NOT fall in love with such a place like that? To other people, this little 'dream' of mine seems like pure fantasy. First of all, I really fucking hate to use the word 'dream' because it sounds too cheesy, and second of all, it is possible. I mean, come on, we are living in an age where computers and modern technology totally rule our lives here. Besides, I don't even find that ridiculous. After all, many other people have a certain place that they wanna go and live in (I totally mean real places, not places like Narnia or any of that fantasy bullshit).

   Yet, if you know me, or have met me, you'd be asking me the same question, "Why Scotland?". As I have said before, I am completely in love with that place. Have you ever seen a place so beautiful? So beautiful, that you want to leave everything behind and just go there? Probably live out your entire life there too? Well, that's definitely the case for me. If you just simply see a poster of Scotland, you'd probably understand what the big deal is. I'm in love with it. Hell, I'm crazy for it. I've gotten Celtic and Gaelic fever because of it! For me, I simply want to live my entire remaining life there, until I grow grey and old, and die there. Too romantic? Well, I did learn art in high school. Yes, that is truly what I want to do and achieve there. I may not be there as a young man, but as an old man, probably so. I want to live in Scotland, and start a new life there, to simply have a new beginning of my life there. I already have a life here in Sarawak, really, with all my friends and family all around me, I feel truly blessed here. Truly, I do. But I feel like I truly want to start a new life in Scotland. I wanna run around through the streets of Glasgow, Edinburgh, Aberdeen and Inverness, like a fucking maniac on speed. I wanna swim in the freezing cold lochs. I wanna ramble all around the Scottish highlands and get completely lost in the ancient forests of the highlands. I wanna drink the fresh, cold mountain water, from every single river and stream, flowing from the mountains. I wanna chew on grass with the highland cattle. I wanna spend an entire night in an abandoned old croft. I wanna play the Great Highland Bagpipe and tin whistle with the local highlanders. I wanna sail to the islands, to parts of the Inner Hebrides and the Outer Hebrides. I wanna venture and drink in every single pub in Scotland. I wanna . . . Well, you get what I mean. Fuck, I am just in love with that place.

     Where does that STPM result of mine may lead me? I have no idea. But, I do believe it may lead me somewhere. To quote the lovely Ellie Goulding, "Anything could happen". Yes, for my STPM results, be it good, bad or completely and utterly fucked up, I do believe it might help me get somewhere. Who knows, right? Anything can happen. Thus, my road and journey to Scotland may begin. I know, it may take me about ten, twenty, thirty or so years to really get there, but I am willing to wait, and I am willing to sacrifice all I can for it. To quote the wonderfully talented Marcus Mumford, "I will wait". Yes, I can wait, and I will wait for it. Where this road may lead me, I am willing to follow through. Unlike some of my peers, I am not as impatient as they may be. I am more patient now, in my late teen years. I have learned to wait and be full of patience, as well as accepting my failures, mostly from the folk music that I listened to nearly half of my life now, and in which I am still an avid listener of. Yeah, thank fuck for folk music, eh?

    From all the travels and ramblings that I've done for these past two weeks, I have learned more about being patient and accepting shit from people. I suppose, it's all a part of growing up. I'm still young, I still can learn many things, experience many things, and go to many places. Besides, my best years are just ahead of me. I'll never really know what's gonna happen next, unless I jump right into it. Take risks, and scream, 'FUCK YOU' right in front of the haters and naysayers alike. It's not impossible, it is possible for me to go to Scotland, even though time may be another huge obstacle in the way. Nothing is impossible in this day and age. It is possible for me. All I gotta do is just wait, be patient, do what I gotta do to get there. And who knows? Maybe, one day, I'll be sitting on a hill in the Scottish highlands, as a grey and decrepit old man, with a tear in his eyes, saying, 'I fucking did it, bitches'. We'll never really know what awaits us in our own future, but all I know is that we need patience. That's all we need. And then, finally, we will achieve that little crazy goal of ours. For now, Scotland's gonna have to wait for me, for I have a lot of hell to get through to her. And I know, someday, I will be there. In Scotland.

Wait for me, Alba...