Friends, Crushes & Luck

        Friends. What are they for? Helping you out? Killing you? Well, whatever the purpose, they’ll always be there for you (no, duh). Yet, my friends, especially my ‘dorm buddies’ can sometimes be quite a pain in the ass. Well, not most of them, but only a certain few, of course. Sometimes, being in a dorm full of rowdy bros can really be stressful on a fella, but, hey, what can you do, right? Now, I don’t mind about the fact that they sometimes make fun of me or shit, I’m cool with that. What I am NOT cool with is when they sometimes try to ‘do a good deed’ for you, and you end up missing it. Though I can’t really blame my friends all the time. What am I talking about? Well, one of my rowdy bros actually convinced this crush of mine about me. Yeah, I know, DAMN. 

        So what’s really going on? Well, to cut a long story short, this friend of mine, *D-Man (not his real name) ‘claimed’ to have convinced this crush of mine about me. Who is this crush of mine? Well, she’s the ‘mystery girl’ I’ve blogged about before (now, I finally know her true identity), but let’s just call her *Cutie*. Anyway, D-Man, said he talked to her and told her that I have a crush on her, that I said hi, and that I wanted her number. Luckily, for D-Man, a few of my other rowdy bros and friends witnessed the situation. I, myself, at that time weren’t there because I was busy helping out one of our lecturers. Amazingly, to my belief, he said that Cutie actually agreed! I just couldn’t believe him, or even the other so-called ‘witnesses’. Common sense didn’t want me to believe it, but, strangely, my heart does. 

As I heard what D-Man told me, deep inside me, I was completely emotionally uncontrollable!

        As they kept telling me that, deep inside of me, I was so freakin’ happy. Hell, I was fucking ecstatic. But of course, I didn’t show it physically. I even studied the situation scientifically and logically (this is exactly what happens when you watch too much Mythbusters or the Discovery Science channel). There are a lot of possibilities to how and why this situation came to form. She may have just came out of a relationship (she went from ‘in a relationship’ to ‘single’ on Facebook), or maybe she felt sorry for dear old pathetic me for having a crush on a younger person. I’ll take the second one, because it truly is pathetic to have a crush on a student who is 3 years my junior. 

        Now, another interesting thing happened the next day. Some of my friends also claimed that Cutie came looking for me after class. I’m guessing she wanted to give me her number. Sadly, though, I was also not present, due to the fact that I was still helping our lecturer in distributing the campus’ yearly magazine. I still couldn't believe it. I actually missed out on two great opportunities! That’s a once in a lifetime chance! Fuck! No, I did not weep for this unfortunate fate of mine, instead, I went on the next few hours with a little smile on my face. It’s still amazing that she would actually be interested in a guy like me. Well, I guess I have to admit, I truly did fall in love with her. She’s not like all the other girls. She was a little more rebellious, quite tomboyish, and, as I have mentioned before in another blog, she also smokes. Damn, no wonder I fell in love with her! 

Just wish I could change my luck!

        Well, I guess sometimes, Lady Luck just refuse to go by my side, and if she does, I would seem to miss it. Until now, I still don’t have Cutie’s number, but now I have a new fear; a fear of her. As I see her coming in the distance, I would usually try to avoid her because, well, I’m just so damn scared of her now. Oh, curse my frail confidence! Sometimes, I try to brave myself up to face her, but in the end, I end up running off like a scared puppy when she comes nearby. This problem of mine have always haunted me ever since I was 13, every time I have a crush on someone. Yes, I’m still trying to change my luck but, how? Who do I turn to? What should I do? So many questions, yet so few answers. I can only hope to change in the end, and just go up to her and just talk to her. Maybe some day, that change will come, and I’ll finally get over this pathetic fear of her, and just say to her, ‘hey there, baby girl’. Til’ then, I just gotta keep on thinking positive and, who knows, maybe my luck will change in the end. Yeah, who knows. So, I would like to thank D-Man for doing me such a favor, and my other friends for being quite sporty about it. Well, I have to admit, I’ve known D-Man for years now, he’s always been a real good friend. So thanks, bro! I really appreciate the effort!