I want out. I want to leave. I wanna migrate. This is normal for a young person to feel, especially with terrible living conditions in a certain place or area. I have this eager urge to leave my home here in Sarawak, and search for a place where I can feel at peace, and start a new life. I do know of a place like that. A place where I have been wanting so bad to go to. But the problem is that it's so far away. According to Google Maps, the distance from Malaysia to that destination of mine is about 14,686.1 km, and it takes about 7 days and 23 hours to get there via flight. It's so far away, I know. And people have also said to me that I can never reach it, due to my middle-working class background. They've also said that I live in a dream-like state, a fantasy world, dreaming of living in a place like that. Even my own mother has said the same thing to me when I told her about migrating. But, you know what? I don't fucking care. They say what they want, but this is something that I truly want.
Sure, my social background might be an obstacle, but I am damn proud of it, too. Yes, I am damn proud to be a working-class asshole. But I also believe that background of mine shall not be a problem to achieve that one goal of mine. This is my only dream and goal. When I was a little kid, I never really had a dream. I didn't know what I wanted to be when I grow up. I never had an ambition. Sure, there were a few simple suggestions that I had, but I've always felt like they were never for me. This lasted well through my late teen years. Then, came last year; 2012. I saw this one place that I knew before, but never bothered too much about it. Now, I see it's true beauty, it's majesty. I felt like I was in love for the first time. I fell in love with that place. Every single part of it. From it's beautiful untouched nature, it's colourful culture, it's powerful history, it's wonderful people, to it's undeniable hospitality. I felt like I can start a new life there. Start anew.
This was my goal and ambition; to go to that place. I've dreamed about it and all it's majesty. I don't care about what other people think of it, it's my choice and my dream. I know it sounds cheesy, but it's true. I am willing to leave everything behind to simply go there and live a new life. What I simply have to deal with are people who are against it, the naysayers. I don't mind and I certainly don't give a rat's ass about them. They are just an obstacle that I gotta overcome to reach that goal of mine. After all, if there's a will, there's a way. And I've certainly held on to that saying tightly. What I am doing now, is simply trying to find a way to get there. I am willing to work any odd jobs available. I am trying to work here. Trying to work my fat ass off for money, so I can go to that place. It may take me years before I can get there but I can wait. I am willing to wait and I am willing to sacrifice anything to simply reach out to that place. I am trying all my best here to get there. All my blood, sweat and tears, and all the shit I gotta wade through.
Why do I want to leave my home here in Sarawak to get there? What am I hoping for at that place? Simple. I am hoping to start a new life there. That's just it. My home here in Sarawak here is just another 'bitch' to West Malaysia. I find no peace or solace being here anymore. Although I really love this place very much, because it is my homeland, I am willing to leave it behind, to start something new for my life. I know it might not be any different there at my destination, but I don't care. I can live through it. I just want to go and experience different things there. It is natural for a young man to leave his home, his family and friends, to go to a new place for a new beginning. I truly believe in that. And that is why I want to do so, too. I am not asking for a miracle to happen. I am not praying for an opportunity. I am just trying all I can, with all my heart to to go there. To find a way to get there. That's all. If an opportunity comes my way, of course I'll take it. But opportunities rarely comes, so I must be clearheaded and steadfast in making my decisions.
Even if I do get there, I will not regret my choice and my actions. No, I will never regret any of it. This is my life, my chance. Life is short. You only live once. You gotta take the opportunities that come your way. I may not be a good optimist, but I am an optimist. I do believe things can get better at the end of the day, eventhough you've been through shit. But it always gets better in the end. I've had my fair share of shit in life. But, what can you do? It is after all, called 'life'. We just gotta suck it up and move on. This is my goal. That place is my oxygen tank in this deep cold ocean depths that we call 'life', and it is the only thing that motivates me and keeps me alive. For once in my miserable little life, I have a dream. A goal. An ambition. And it's to simply go to that place. Haters, family, friends and naysayers may try to keep me down and grounded, but I can always break away from it. They may criticise my choice but I don't care. This is my ticket to happiness. I want this. I truly do. They may not understand it, but that's they're problem, because I fully understand my own choices. Call me naive, call me ignorant or whatever. They're just words. This is what I want. This is something I want to achieve. I never had a burning passion for something like this before. I never had a deep ambition like this before. But hey, here it is. This is for me, and I will take it. I will get there one day. It may not be tomorrow, it may not be the day after. But I will get there, one day. It may take me 10, 20 or 30 years or so before I can get there, but like I said, I can wait. And I will wait if it takes me that long to get there. As long as I am still breathing, as long as I am willing, and as long as I am still dreaming, believe me, my friend, I will get there. I will step foot on Scottish soil and I will ramble the mountains of the Scottish Highlands. I will, one day, go to Scotland.
 |
| Wait for me, Alba... |
No comments:
Post a Comment